Welcome to the Home of UWFW!

2006-08-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

You've followed their careers. You've marveled at the heights of their sophistry and cringed at the depths of their rancor. You've experienced by proxy the ecstasy of 9-11 and Abu Ghraib ... and the agony of Harriet Meiers and Social Security reform.

They are wingnuts and this is their time in the sun.

As a fan, you have your favorite wingnuts - for some, it's Pastor Swank and Michelle Malkin ... for others, Peggy Noonan and Glenn Reynolds. And undoubtedly, like so many of us, you've found yourself in debates at the water cooler or the neighborhood bar, arguing the demerits of an Assrocket vs. a Misha, wishing desperately that there were some means or method to finally settle the question: "Who is the greatest wanker of them all?"

Welcome to the solution. Welcome to the very first fantasy game that allows you to draft, trade and nurture your very own team of wingnut all-stars in direct competition with other team owners, for disappointing season-ending prizes and hours upon hours of soul-destroying procrastination.

Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball is a scientifically proven system of time-wasting frivolity based upon the only fully integrated and heuristically means-tested binary architecture of player-generated wingnut statistical profiles, or as we have dubbed this new school in the field of cobagenomic probability studies: "wankmetrics".

Players participating in UWFW do so at their own risk; the UWFW Board of Governors accepts no legal responsibility for work shirkage, malingering, spontaneous chortling, eye-strain, vomiting, cock-slapping, appeasing, treason, fifth columnism, carpal tunnel syndrome, palsy, dropsy, vapors, intemperance, troop-hurting, pwnage, ROTFLMAO Fatigue, BWAHAHA-Reynolds Syndrome, senility or any other medical condition that may arise from playing Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball. Consult your physician before playing.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Viewing Atlas Shrugs Vlogs By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.

Quick Tips & Links

Like fantasy football or baseball, Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball (UWFW) is a point-scoring game in which participants, or “owners”, select a “team” of “players” which competes against other participants’ teams over the course of a “season”.

At the end of the season, the owner whose team has scored the most total points is declared the winner.

A Player Draft for leagues will be held on Aug. 13, 2006.

The season will run from Aug. 20-Nov. 11 – a 12-week season.

Updated standings will be posted weekly on Sadly, No! and this Web site.

For complete UWFW Rules, go here.

For list of available wingnuts, salaries, player profiles and draft strategies, go here.

For updated weekly standings and commentary, go here.